Losing my mind.
Losing my life……..the life I once had. Everything is changing.
And this time, no matter how much I try to be positive and perky about it……I just CAN’T. My life is falling apart and I can’t seem to put it back together again.”
This is a real excerpt from a journal entry I made this month.
I had finally come to the place of facing the truth about how I felt. For the past 2 months I was strong! I was still leading worship, still dancing, still ministering to others about the goodness of God………….and still not facing reality.
And the truth is…….
I am Angry.
My little sister has died, I have moved to a new apartment and so I hardly see my family, I no longer have a car and have to travel to work and to top it off…….I had just been told to take a break from ministry.
I was losing everything that mattered to me! And I couldn’t take it anymore.💔
Have you ever felt this way? As if you are losing EVERYTHING?
I visited a cafe recently with some friends and even though I tried to be happy and ok, my eyes filled up with tears and my mind just couldn’t take the noise, so I walked outside onto the balcony…….and cried.
Then I opened up Instagram on my phone to just get my mind off of my thoughts and …….I swear to you……every post related to how I felt right at that moment!!!
If you are in that place of grief and despair right now, I am here to shine some light in the midst of your darkness. Just like God used those posts on Instagram to shed light on my mind that day. The posts didn’t change the situations I was facing. Everything is still a big mess. Instead they made me see my life with new eyes and renewed Perspective!
Everything that is happening right now isn’t happening TO me. Instead they are happening FOR me!
God is in control and is working everything for my GOOD!
Look I know it sounds cliché. But try this for about 5 minutes. Instead of ‘looking down’ and seeing all of the negatives in your life right now, ‘look up!’ and try to find just ONE good thing that has come out of your situation. JUST ONE.
Some of you may have to pray about it.
In my case, God is teaching me to trust Him and not rely on my own strength.
- My sister is gone because it was her time to be with her Creator and not suffer pain anymore.
- God called me out of my parents’ home so that He could groom me and prepare me for marriage.
- I don’t have a car anymore because God asked me to bless someone with the one that I had.
- I was asked to take a break from ministry because my fellow leaders love me and saw that I needed some time to recuperate even though I couldn’t see it.
I just couldn’t see it this way till God changed my perspective……
In closing, I would like to share one of the posts that really shook me that day. It is from an author that I love who is currently going through a stormy season herself – Lysa Terkeurst.
I pray that it speaks to you too…