Long post alert! So get your cup of coffee or tea ready! 😁
Lately I have been struggling with severe body issues.
I feel fat!!
I mean. …..I still fit into all of my clothes but……..they don’t fit as loosely as they used to. And it has been freaking me out!
My body has changed for the first time in like 10 years (thanks Covid!) and I am just not used to it. Which has left me with feelings of unworthiness, fear, anxiety and stress every time I have to dress (which clearly is everyday!)
Plus I have become way too self conscious about it! It bothers me whenever I go to work or church or out with my husband. I always feel as if someone is watching me and judging me.
But what is the root? Why am I really acting this way?
It took some praying and crying after God but I soon realized that:
I had stopped pursuing loving and taking care of myself.
In 2018 as some of you may know, I moved out of my parents home and got my own apartment. Things were ok financially in the beginning but then more bills and responsibilities kept being added until I suddenly had to ‘tighten my belt’ as we would say here, when it came to my finances.
And that meant that only what was necessary could be bought. Which pretty much was:
Groceries and gas for the car.
That was it. No buying of jewellery, shoes or clothes. No manicures, pedicures or facials. Nothing. I washed my car myself because I could not afford to pay someone to wash it. Getting to buy food outside was a treat that I seldom indulged in.
It was tough.
But I learned soooooo much in that season – especially how to cook. Sadly though……. I also stopped believing that I deserved to buy nice things for myself. I didn’t believe that I needed them so what was the point in wanting them?
Amazingly, now that I am married, God has been truly blessing us and providing excess!! Which is something I am no longer used to. But I am going to work on it. I intend to learn to love the body that I have right now and lovingly work toward a healthier me. And I am going to intentionally get nice things for myself from time to time – because I deserve it 🙂.
No more beating my self down whenever I look in the mirror. Instead I have been practicing ‘speaking life’ over my body and my mind. And I constantly have to remind myself that “It doesn’t matter what other people thinks about you, what matters is what GOD SAYS”.
What body struggles have you been facing or healing from? I would love to hear! Let us be a source of encouragement for one another.
Life is too short to be worrying about people’s negative opinions.
Live Free! ❤