Humility in my Christian walk

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I am gonna stop living as if God is dead.

Last night and into this morning was a spiritual battle of evil dreams that involved me waking up and renouncing them, falling asleep again and having to wake up again to fight and renounce the continuous attacks of the enemy. But this time instead of just going about my day in victory, I took it a step further.

I woke up angry. I was mad at the devil and ready for a fight. In the midst of it all I thought “Why is God allowing this?”. And the only thought I got was that ‘the devil knows that he is losing’. “Well, he is gonna continue to lose!” I declared! My life has not been an easy walk but through the past 3 or so years I have surrendered to God and I am learning to trust Him daily.

Yet in spite of all that, this morning I had to be real with myself. These attacks showed me plainly that I wasn’t giving God 100%. I had not been giving Him my best or holding on in complete faith to His word. I still struggled with fears – fear of the enemy, fear of old things coming back – too many fears! As a child of God, should I be struggling this much?! Should I be doubting God’s ability to protect me? Should I be questioning his transformative power in my life and judging myself by my past mistakes? No!

Well those attacks this morning put such a fire in my belly to hit the devil where it hurt the hardest: Every single inch of my soul. I didn’t want him to have any part of it anymore!! And by being afraid, that is exactly what I was doing. By judging myself by my past mistakes, that is exactly what I was doing. By listening to his deceptive, lying, fear-filled whispers into my ears….that is exactly what I was doing!!!! I was letting him have space in my life.

Well, I don’t want not even a smidge of my heart or my soul to be controlled by the enemy anymore. I am DONE! Which means that God gets 100% of me. So this morning I prayed and asked God to forgive me for allowing myself to be a babe in Christ for clearly too long. I wanted to wholeheartedly live for Jesus and live according to His word steadfastly.

Boyyyyyy was I mad for letting this thing go on for so long!!! And perhaps THAT is why God allowed it. So that I would get up and shake up! This is not a game people. This life is not to be played with. We face a real enemy and we have to stand and learn how to fight.

Well, that is not the end of the story amazingly. As soon as I finished praying this morning (mind you I was still angry in my spirit), I got a phone call from my office that basically explained that someone that I was in contact with on my last day before starting vacation, just tested positive for Covid-19.

When I got off the phone, would you believe what my first reaction was?


I began to magnify the Mighty, Awesome and Powerful name of Jesus! It didn’t make no sense but let me tell you, I had meant what I had prayed. Jesus was getting all of me, no matter the circumstance. I am not afraid of getting sick because I know that God had already promised that would not happen. So then, what was there left for me to do but to STAND on His word and praise Him?!! Doubt is not of God, and anything that didn’t come from Him, I don’t want no more. I choose to stand with Jesus.

Do you see the bigger picture though? I could have played the victim card when I woke up this morning. I could have acted as if these bad things were happening to me for no good reason and felt sorry for myself. Then, when I had gotten that phone-call I would have been crushed in my spirit even further. The devil would have won.


I thank God for the Holy Spirit in my life because I know that He was guiding my spirit this morning to fight and to pray and to stand. And so, because of this, I HAVE THE VICTORY!!! And the devil will continue to lose. Satan thought that he could frustrate me and break me, but hear what!!!!! It didn’t work.

And this is what Jesus wants from us in this time. To stand and be counted. To proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ without shame. To declare the goodness of God despite what is happening in the world. To declare Jesus Christ is Lord and stand with Him, even when things get difficult.

Are you going to answer the call? It’s time to get up.


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