Recently I read a post by BeautyBeyondBones that really ministered to me. She was sharing her excitement and anticipation at the hope of seeing a particular celebrity and the conviction that she felt afterward as she contemplated her desire and anticipation waiting to meet Christ.
You can check out her post here.
Then, she began to speak about her relationship with God when she was battling anorexia, and it really spoke to me because even though I never went through that battle, I know what it feels like to need God desperately. I know what it feels like to ‘cling to Jesus by my fingernails’. I’ve been there 😪.
I haven’t shared much about it but when I first moved to my apartment in 2018, God began to move in my life in a really powerful way. I soon realized that He made me move out of my family’s home so that He could deal with every spiritual bondage in my life. And He did it one on one – it was just me and God.
In those days, I needed Him every minute of every day. If I missed spending time with God in the morning, I felt the impact of it during the day! I literally could not make it through a day without the presence of God. I got into the Word everyday. I also listened to the audio Bible often so that the Word would get into my spirit. I clung to Jesus’s hem as if my life depended on it.
And it did.
Fast forward to 2021, and here I am, free of those bondages but now overwhelmed by life – paying off debts, finding money for groceries and gas for the car, praying for jobs for my husband’s business – its an endless cycle of worry and fear of the unknown.
After all that I have been through, I should be grateful to even have the life that I live now! The once empty room in which I prayed daily is now our home office. I have things that I could barely afford back then. God has made a way for me and I need to get back to that place of desperation for God’s presence.
Yes the scenario is different, but the need should remain the same. We need God more than we know.
And I soon realized that, in order to get to that place of intimacy again, I am going to have to be vulnerable again. That’s what we need! There is no true intimacy without vulnerability. Whether it is between a man and a woman, or between us and God.
We need to tear the walls down, let go of our pride, surrender the deep secrets and struggles, bare all until we are naked before Him. To feel that peace that surpasses understanding, that is only found at His feet after a powerful worship session or intense time in the Word.
I need more of Jesus. He is and always will be a friend that sticks closer than a brother. ❤