You are not Abandoned

On Wednesday (2 days before Valentine’s Day)……..God blew my mind!!!!!!

I mean this whole week has been amazing honestly…….heck this whole month!!! 😄
God continues to show Himself as present in my life and I just cannot thank Him enough.

But yesterday…………WOW……

First of all, that day was the 2nd month anniversary for my boyfriend and I. And as you all know, it is such an amazing testimony of God’s love and faithfulness that I am in a relationship right now. 😊

So we got some food and hung out. While eating, my boyfriend suggested that we look for a Christian Short Film to watch and we managed to find one called ‘Abandoned’ on YouTube.

You guys………I wasn’t ready!

That movie was about 10 minutes long but it blew a hole into my heart and threw my heart and mind into a complete mess. Then…..all I felt was peace and a strange sense of healing. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t eat. I just wanted the truth of it all to soak in.

I got KO’d by a short film.


I was powerfully ministered to by a short film.

I understood why my walk was so difficult…..all because of a short film.

I don’t know what else to say but “GO SEE IT!!!”

And if perhaps you are in a season where you feel as of God has abandoned you (or it could be a past event as well), please know that no matter how it FEELS, God’s word is always true.

He has not abandoned you. He loves you. 🥰


 

 

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New Perspective

I’m back!!! And with a new look on the blog 😊

I am sooooo excited to be doing this again!!!

In today’s post I want to share my gratitude to God for the way He interrupts our lives. We don’t always like it! But……in the end we always realize that it was necessary.

Last night while in class, my teacher got interrupted by the Holy Spirit, and she felt led to share her testimonies with the class. Powerful, amazing testimonies that shook us all.

I was touched and convicted greatly but as per usual, I didn’t want to ‘overreact’ and make a scene by crying my lungs out.

But God wasn’t done.

After the class one of my classmates asked if they could play a song.

Sigh…….okkkkkkkkk…….

Of all songs on this earth, the student played ‘More like you’ by a local artiste.

And it broke me down.

This song had been one of my theme songs for 2019. I wanted God to work on me, purify me and make me more like Him. More patience, more love, more forgiveness, no anger, no evil desires……….just more like Him! And less of me.

That student had no idea what that song meant to me!!!!!! But God did.

While it played, I could hear God’s voice saying “Let it go Abeo”, “Just scream and let it out”.

What did I have to let out??????

EVERYTHING

I had developed this habit of holding my emotions in and trying to control them. I always wanted to look good in people’s eyes. I never wanted to seem out of control or as if my life was in shambles. Although many times it was.

I was too ashamed (full of pride!) and cared too much about what other people thought.

Wayyyyyyyyyyy too much!

But last night………God said to let it go. Stop trying to appear to have it all together. Stop worrying about other people’s opinion and not focusing on YOUR opinion. Stop letting the lies of the enemy affect you instead of holding on to what was true.

LET GO

And so…….I did. Or at least I tried to. I didn’t scream while in class but I cried and cried loudly. 😭

My teacher advised us to go home and let God finish His work. We were not to worry about doing any schoolwork for class the next day. Just focus on what God wanted to do.

When I got home, I got into my prayer room and talked to God. I cried, screamed out, let go of shame that I had apparently been holding on to, and prayed. God is sooooo amazing in the way that He loves us and interrupts our lives to ensure that we see ourselves!!! All so that He can draw us closer to Himself. ❤

Life makes us forget how big and great our God is.

And might I also add that forgetting our testimonies (all of the things that God has done throughout our lives) causes us to forget who we are and who our God is!

After praying, I came out of the prayer room and began reading some of my old posts.

What a Perspective change that was!!!

I felt rejuvenated, as if fresh breath had been breathed into me. I felt encouraged and blessed……..and grateful to my amazing God for giving me this gift of writing. He used some of my hardest life moments and turned them into something beautiful so that others could be ministered to.

And perhaps it was also so that I could always look back…….to see all that He has already brought me through.

As a reminder to keep going.

Perhaps you need a reminder of what God has done for you in the past. What is YOUR testimony? Think about it…….and know that if He did it then, He can do it again.

May God bless you all.

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Bring it forth

Ok so confession time……..

My last post was actually written over a week ago. And for some reason (exhaustion I guess), I didn’t post it.

Yet I remember having a nagging feeling all day. I felt sick on the inside honestly. As if I had missed out on an important opportunity or assignment.

And then last Friday I had another experience where I didn’t speak up at an event and say something that had been on my heart, this time because of fear. And again I felt sick in my stomach.

While driving home however, I felt as if the Holy Spirit was teaching me something: Don’t ever let Purpose die within you.

When God ‘impregnates’ us with a purpose, it is up to us to bring it forth.

WE HAVE TO PUSH!!!! Like a momma in labour. Push……..speak up, stand out, take that leap of faith.

Or else it becomes a ‘stillbirth’ within us. Un-tapped potential. Un-reached goals. Un-written books. Un-built businesses……the list goes on.

What are you keeping inside of you?

What is it that God told you to do that you didn’t do?

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Overcoming Self Condemnation

God is so amazing you guys!

One morning at around 4:21 a.m. here in Trinidad and Tobago, the Holy Spirit laid a piece of healing on my spirit.

He helped me to realize that “It is not my fault”.

Now, I could go into details as to what He was referring to (and I will at the end of this post), but let’s just consider how many things in our life we have accepted blame for…..

In many cases, things that actually wasn’t our fault!

What was it for you?

An abusive relationship?

Being raped or molested?

A major car accident that you survived?

Being robbed at gunpoint?

Childhood scars?

Daddy issues?

Parents’ divorce?

Whatever the situation, many times we accept responsibility for it believing that somehow our choices led to that result.

And on the inside…….it causes a deep fear. One that gets ‘triggered‘ from time to time……. by some of the simplest of situations or conversations! Which then leaves you with an unshakeable anxiety.

Sigggggghhhhh………….

Today God wants me to tell you that:

It wasn’t your fault.

None of it was!!!! You didn’t cause that person to feel that way/act that way. It was their choice.

And yes, you have probably thought of all of the different scenarios. That if only you had or had not done this/that, it never would have happened!

But you don’t actually know that for sure.

Only God knows. He alone is all knowing. And He knows your story from beginning to end. Inclusive of that ‘moment’ that you wish had never happened.

So stop beating yourself up about it.

Stop speaking words of condemnation over your life.

Stop agreeing with the thoughts of the enemy.

Stop speaking self-imposed curses over your life!!

God knew it would happen.

So……….

This morning I breathed it all out…….and I let go of the blame.

Because of a past ‘relationship’ (you know what I mean! It was but actually wasn’t an actual relationship lol) I developed a fear of causing men to lust over me.

I always figured that I had to ensure that I dressed and carried myself appropriately so as to keep men’s minds from wandering.

I put alot of pressure on myself thinking that if I acted right, they would think right and thereby…….act right too.

And if they didn’t, it was my fault.

This morning God helped me realize that it had nothing to do with me! What a person thinks or does is their decision.

It’s not my fault. 😭

Sigh………Let’s move forward into 2020 a bit lighter than when we first came in………..

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Overcoming Fear of Failure

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!

It’s 2020!!!!!

And I have proclaimed this year to be my year of LIMITLESS.

Limitless possibilities, Limitless vision, Limitless faith…….

This year I choose to believe in the IMPOSSIBLE. I don’t want to place any limits on God or on myself anymore. I choose to walk in Limitless Obedience to Him. And whatever God wills for my life in this year, I declare ‘So shall it be’.

And with that comes the need to address my poor mindsets of the past.

This morning while praying, I said something that blew me away……….

I told God that:

I learned nothing from trying to be PERFECT. I only learned……..whenever I made a mistake!

Whoaaaaaa!

Isn’t that truly profound?!

For years I have struggled with this ‘Perfectionist’ mindset. I hated whenever I made a mistake. I would always feel like a failure. I even believed that I should always be able to ‘Get it right the first time’. I saw making mistakes as somehow frowned upon by God. As if He expected the best from me always.

It wasn’t until the pruning that He put me through last year that I came to realize how foolish I was being!

Why do we think that God doesn’t expect us to fail sometimes?

Why do so many of us ‘over-spiritualize’ the Christian walk and believe that we will never sin??!!!

Yup……that was me. I had actually fooled myself into thinking that I was perfect and never sinned. 🤦‍♀️ I was clearly living in a bubble.

A dangerous one.

One that God vehemently busted last year!!!

‘You better face reality girl!! ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALLEN SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD‘

(He didn’t actually say that …..lol)

But the truth is that there are others struggling the way that I struggled. They are fighting to please God or even to please others by always trying to do the right thing without making a mistake.

And it’s exhausting……..

This ‘Fear of Failure’ cripples our ability to accept God’s GRACE. And boy did I struggle!!! Because to accept His Grace………..I had to accept the fact that many times (not sometimes) I WILL FAIL.

But the beautiful thing is that in those moments……I can go to my Heavenly Father, cry out to HIM, REPENT, get up and TRY AGAIN.

That is the beauty of God’s Grace.

We don’t deserve it. But He forgives us anyway……..because He LOVES US.

And THAT TRUTH right there……….frees us to just live. Live a life that is LIMITLESS…….

Because I am no longer living based on my own strength and abilities.

I rely on HIM.

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