New Perspective

I’m back!!! And with a new look on the blog 😊

I am sooooo excited to be doing this again!!!

In today’s post I want to share my gratitude to God for the way He interrupts our lives. We don’t always like it! But……in the end we always realize that it was necessary.

Last night while in class, my teacher got interrupted by the Holy Spirit, and she felt led to share her testimonies with the class. Powerful, amazing testimonies that shook us all.

I was touched and convicted greatly but as per usual, I didn’t want to ‘overreact’ and make a scene by crying my lungs out.

But God wasn’t done.

After the class one of my classmates asked if they could play a song.

Sigh…….okkkkkkkkk…….

Of all songs on this earth, the student played ‘More like you’ by a local artiste.

And it broke me down.

This song had been one of my theme songs for 2019. I wanted God to work on me, purify me and make me more like Him. More patience, more love, more forgiveness, no anger, no evil desires……….just more like Him! And less of me.

That student had no idea what that song meant to me!!!!!! But God did.

While it played, I could hear God’s voice saying “Let it go Abeo”, “Just scream and let it out”.

What did I have to let out??????

EVERYTHING

I had developed this habit of holding my emotions in and trying to control them. I always wanted to look good in people’s eyes. I never wanted to seem out of control or as if my life was in shambles. Although many times it was.

I was too ashamed (full of pride!) and cared too much about what other people thought.

Wayyyyyyyyyyy too much!

But last night………God said to let it go. Stop trying to appear to have it all together. Stop worrying about other people’s opinion and not focusing on YOUR opinion. Stop letting the lies of the enemy affect you instead of holding on to what was true.

LET GO

And so…….I did. Or at least I tried to. I didn’t scream while in class but I cried and cried loudly. 😭

My teacher advised us to go home and let God finish His work. We were not to worry about doing any schoolwork for class the next day. Just focus on what God wanted to do.

When I got home, I got into my prayer room and talked to God. I cried, screamed out, let go of shame that I had apparently been holding on to, and prayed. God is sooooo amazing in the way that He loves us and interrupts our lives to ensure that we see ourselves!!! All so that He can draw us closer to Himself. ❤

Life makes us forget how big and great our God is.

And might I also add that forgetting our testimonies (all of the things that God has done throughout our lives) causes us to forget who we are and who our God is!

After praying, I came out of the prayer room and began reading some of my old posts.

What a Perspective change that was!!!

I felt rejuvenated, as if fresh breath had been breathed into me. I felt encouraged and blessed……..and grateful to my amazing God for giving me this gift of writing. He used some of my hardest life moments and turned them into something beautiful so that others could be ministered to.

And perhaps it was also so that I could always look back…….to see all that He has already brought me through.

As a reminder to keep going.

Perhaps you need a reminder of what God has done for you in the past. What is YOUR testimony? Think about it…….and know that if He did it then, He can do it again.

May God bless you all.

Overcoming Self Condemnation

God is so amazing you guys!

One morning at around 4:21 a.m. here in Trinidad and Tobago, the Holy Spirit laid a piece of healing on my spirit.

He helped me to realize that “It is not my fault”.

Now, I could go into details as to what He was referring to (and I will at the end of this post), but let’s just consider how many things in our life we have accepted blame for…..

In many cases, things that actually wasn’t our fault!

What was it for you?

An abusive relationship?

Being raped or molested?

A major car accident that you survived?

Being robbed at gunpoint?

Childhood scars?

Daddy issues?

Parents’ divorce?

Whatever the situation, many times we accept responsibility for it believing that somehow our choices led to that result.

And on the inside…….it causes a deep fear. One that gets ‘triggered‘ from time to time……. by some of the simplest of situations or conversations! Which then leaves you with an unshakeable anxiety.

Sigggggghhhhh………….

Today God wants me to tell you that:

It wasn’t your fault.

None of it was!!!! You didn’t cause that person to feel that way/act that way. It was their choice.

And yes, you have probably thought of all of the different scenarios. That if only you had or had not done this/that, it never would have happened!

But you don’t actually know that for sure.

Only God knows. He alone is all knowing. And He knows your story from beginning to end. Inclusive of that ‘moment’ that you wish had never happened.

So stop beating yourself up about it.

Stop speaking words of condemnation over your life.

Stop agreeing with the thoughts of the enemy.

Stop speaking self-imposed curses over your life!!

God knew it would happen.

So……….

This morning I breathed it all out…….and I let go of the blame.

Because of a past ‘relationship’ (you know what I mean! It was but actually wasn’t an actual relationship lol) I developed a fear of causing men to lust over me.

I always figured that I had to ensure that I dressed and carried myself appropriately so as to keep men’s minds from wandering.

I put alot of pressure on myself thinking that if I acted right, they would think right and thereby…….act right too.

And if they didn’t, it was my fault.

This morning God helped me realize that it had nothing to do with me! What a person thinks or does is their decision.

It’s not my fault. 😭

Sigh………Let’s move forward into 2020 a bit lighter than when we first came in………..

Dealing with Self Hatred (Love Part 3)

I am continuing with the series on Love. And today I want to stray a little bit from my talks on Romantic Love and instead talk about something that I struggled with for a long time……

SELF HATRED

The topics of Love and my Heart are the two areas that I have beat myself up about for the past year since I have been living on my own. I have consistently declared that I hate my heart and my inability to love people properly. And that I hate my mind and it’s inability to think proper thoughts and not stray randomly to evil and sexual things that make me feel so very sick about myself.

ALL OF THIS……HAS LED TO SELF HATE.

It’s true. I hate my ways. Which essentially means that daily…………….. I hate ME.

And God has highlighted to me that I still do not LOVE MYSELF.

The simplest things trigger this self hate. Like today. Today had been a somewhat rough day for me not so much because of having a heavy workload but because my mind was overloaded with worries and things that kept giving me anxiety. And so when I met with my friend after work to hang out………things didn’t go so well. I was uncomfortable and not fully myself. And it made me feel terrible! Because this area especially is what has hurt me all these years……..my inability to love.

And all I want is to be able to just get over myself and love others no matter what!!! But, I have really struggled to do this consistently.

What more do I have to do????!!!

I have to love myself.

How do I get there?

About two weeks ago I did something really stupid and my phone fell in the toilet **face palm!!**. Which means that I had no access to anyone that day. No family members. No friends. No significant other. It was literally just me and God.

Which may have been His plan all along especially after considering that one of my Bible School lecturers had expressed to the class just the day before that we need to slow down and appreciate life. “You need to STOP”, she said. So that we could pay attention to what was happening around us.

And I have been seeing it honestly………my return to hasty living. The return of that anxious feeling that I used to get before. And so I guess God had to take matters into His hands to make sure that I didn’t fall into the cycle again. And didn’t have to get deliverance again.

So everything (all my distractions) needed to be taken away.

So that I could STOP.

And relax. And listen. And write. And learn. And replenish.

I need God more than anything! I need HIS Love. So that I can love me more.

And by spending more time with Jesus, I know that God will help me learn to love myself and others. He is able to do ANYTHING!

Trust His Heart

There is a song that I love by Pat Barrett. It’s titled ‘Canvas and the Clay’. The song expresses that God is an Artist and a Potter. And WE are the Canvas and the Clay.

Just Beautiful. ❤

He knows our whole story. And He is shaping and molding and painting as He sees fit.

Yet somehow, I forgot the fact that God – in all His Sovereign Power – has the ability to provide things in my life that I didn’t ask for.

To shape my story.

Recently He hit me a doozy!!!!

And it has re-shaped my understanding of God………in an amazing way.

God’s love through Divine Provision

Whenever God blessed me with something before, I never saw it as if He did it because He loved me. I would only see that He did it because I asked for it and had Faith that He would do it.

Sigh…..I never even realized what a poor mindset that was to have!

But now I am seeing something that I did not specifically ask for being manifested.

And amazingly………….all I can see……..IS GOD’S LOVE.

That’s why He did it.

Not because I asked.

Or because I deserved it.

Not because I stood in faith that it would happen. (I was completely terrified at first! I couldn’t understand WHY God would send this NOW!!!)

But I had to let go and trust Him. Completely.

And face my fears.

And on the other side………..I found the love of my Heavenly Father.

I understand so many things about Him better now……it’s crazy!!!!

But I love it. 😊🙌❤

God loves you!! And He knows what is best for you right now. He also knows when to give you what you have been asking for.

So………in this season, try asking God to help you trust His Heart. And not only seek His Hand.

Wonderfully made

Have you ever looked at a picture of nature and been blown away by the sheer magnitude of God’s Power?

Have you ever wondered at how marvelous it is to know that God created the Earth and declared that ‘It is Good’?

And then did you realise that He also created Man and said ‘It is Good’?

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

God created YOU!!!!!!

He created you to look just the way that you look and have the personality and unique characteristics that make you….YOU.

AND HE SAID THAT ‘IT IS GOOD’.

Just the way you are. Imperfections and all. 😭

He loves us just the way we are.

Psalm 139 verses 13 & 14 says:

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

So why do we worry???!!!

Why do we fret and fuss and suffer with anxiety and depression??!!!

When we serve THE GOD that created the mountains and the trees and the waterfalls……..I meannnnnnn He CREATED WATER!!!!!!! 🤯 He didn’t form it out of something.

He created it.

Ponder on that for a moment……

🤔

😯

Today I kept looking at this picture and envisioned myself standing on the edge overlooking the waterfall. Me…..this puny human……in comparison to the vast amount of enormous (yet gorgeous!) trees and this massive waterfall.

And it humbled me.

Because if my God could make THAT……….then my issues, struggles and problems are nowhere near to being too hard for Him to handle.

It was probably harder to make the waterfall! (Jk….lol)

So then …….WHY WORRY? 🤷‍♀️

I pray your perspective changes too. Because He’s got this.

He knew you would go through this even before He formed you.

Psalms 139:16 ESV

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

Soooooooo He also knows that you WILL get through it.

It’s time to trust Him and love up on your God instead of worrying!!!

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

I am sharing a song that has really been blessing me today because it asks the same question! Here it is:

I will give thanks

Hope this day turns out even better than it started off for you 😊❤