Paid in FULL

Today has been one of those days……

A day full of LESSONS.

You ever had one of those?

A day where God speaks to you and teaches you multiple lessons that you really need in order to MOVE FORWARD. Because honestly, its easy to live the Christian life………and not grow. And just happily remain comfortable.

And well…….I’ve been starting to get comfortable. Or at least I have not been liking God’s methods for taking me OUT of my comfort zone!
So everytime He lets something happen, all I do is retaliate. Angrily. πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈπŸ™ˆ

Like a wild animal that’s found a comfortable spot to sleep in and has no plans on moving from it.

Sigh…….

Well TODAY, from the moment I woke up He began speaking to me. And He told me to get up and go to my prayer room. Right Now.

So I did. (After a few minutes……*shame*)

And I sat on the floor waiting on Him to tell me what to do. Then I looked to my left, saw my notebook and began to write. I didn’t know what I was going to write about, I was just writing.

But God has an amazing way of showing us ourselves. And boy did He show me!!!!

So Lesson#1 is:

Stop being a baby.


That’s right. I wanted everyone to baby me, hug me, lay my head on their shoulder and tell me that everything was going to be alright.

But life isn’t always like that!!


I needed to just let go of my baggage, believe that God was in controlΒ  and get over myself.

Whew!!!
Sometimes God has to be harsh with us (like a good Father would) and tell us the truth. It doesn’t make sense moving around in circles. There is work to be done!!!

So I did it. Prayed, criedΒ  screamed and let it all go. With no intentions of picking them back up again.

And I was about to get ready for work when I felt like I shouldn’t go to work today.

😧😧😧😧😧😧😧😧😧

But I mean, after telling God I’ll trust Him, I felt like I really should obey Him with this (to throw a tantrum now would be pointless!).

And this led to Lesson#2:

God should be your priority, not your job.


Double whew!!!!

It hit me that I was more loyal to my job than I was to God. I always tried to be present and I was dedicated no matter what they asked of me.

And I should be even more so, WITH GOD!

God has plans for our lives that may or may not include our present jobs. So getting a good report at work should not be nearly as important as getting a good report from The Lord.


It was a real eye-opening revelation for me! I hadn’t realised how much I had wanted to get a good report that reflected my good attendance. Man’s accolades could never match up to getting a “Well Done!” from Christ when we go to Heaven.

πŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ

And so I spent today with God. I washed and cooked but was sure to spend time in worship and communion with Him. And while on my laptop I felt led to watch a short film titled Paid in Full.

Now lemme be completely honest……..the movie is very corny and not very well thought out at all! But when I tried to switch to another movie, I felt as if the Holy Spirit was saying ‘Give it a chance’.

So I watched it out.

And God hit me my third lesson for today!! Lesson#3:

You do not have to keep condemning yourself and punishing yourself for past sins.


Your debt has been PAID IN FULL!!!!!


πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ˜«πŸ˜«πŸ˜«πŸ˜«πŸ˜«πŸ˜«

I don’t know if there is anyone else out there like me, but sadly while growing up I developed this mentality that rewards are earned. They are not given freely.

Love is earned.

Forgiveness is earned.

Blessings are earned.

And mistakes……..deserve punishment.

And it turns out that I have been applying this mindset to my faith in Christ!

So it’s like: ‘Yes God thank you for dying for my sins…….but I really shouldn’t make any mistakes. I shouldn’t sin at all!! I should follow the rules. Because breaking the rules lead to …….punishment.’

And that is how I have been living. No one else has been punishing me, but I have been punishing myself – with my words,Β with my thoughts, with my disgust in my inability to just get things right!

But there was no need for that.

My debts (the mistakes, the struggles, the sins that all deserve eternal death) have been wiped CLEAN.


That mindset has now been broken.

But the movie also challenged me to share my faith more.

God has been so remarkably good to me! He literally saved me from losing my mindΒ and He wants me to share that testimony with others!!

There is no need for shame. Or fear. Or doubt.

This Christian walk is not for the faint of heart. We have to be willing to suffer for the Gospel of Jesus Christ!

And for the first time………..I am willing to do just that.


Strong Foundation

Last night I watched the movie God’s not Dead 2. I’ve seen it before but last night I felt like that was the one to watch.

In the movie there is a character that had cancer but is miraculously healed from it. So at the beginning of the show she is telling her friend that the cancer is gone and he is praising and giving glory to God! But she seems to be just in a state of……shock I guess.

The movie is a great story about a Christian teacher that gets asked a question about Jesus while in class and chooses to answer it. This however results in a massive court case because sharing your faith or ‘proselytizing’ as they called it is against the law in America. (Side note: I must say that it makes me appreciate the Caribbean! Because such a situation would not have been such a serious issue here πŸ™Œ.)

But I digress………

It goes to show the direction that the World as a whole will be following. Their agenda is to push Christianity out of EVERYTHING. And make Christians the enemy.

My reason for writing however is not to share my opinion on this particular topic. Though as a Christian, the movie truly challenged my faith to stand no matter the circumstance or consequence! But my reason for writing is a statement that was made by the woman who was healed from cancer:

I am paraphrasing, but she basically said that

“While I was sick, I had all the faith that Jesus would heal me. But now that He has done it……I find myself questioning everything.”


I couldn’t understand her at that point in time last night. I mean, healing is amazing!! Why question your faith AFTER??? πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ

But today while doing Bible Study, God reminded me of the lady. And He showed me that I am going through a very similar experience to her right now!

I was once in spiritual bondage, especially mentally. And God revealed my situation to my leaders at church and they fought and warred against the enemy on my behalf!! And because of their willingness to help me and their complete obedience to God……I AM FREE!!!

But you know what the amazing thing is?????


Although I am now free, I question my faith more now……than I did when I was in bondage.

When I was still bound and fighting for my sanity every single day, I had faith in God that could move mountains!! I was determined that the devil would not win! That he would get no glory and his plan would fail!!!! πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯

And then, amazingly, I was free.


And the emotions or feelings I thought that I would have felt just wasn’t there.

I kept looking over my shoulder expecting the devil to show up again. I’ve been tormented in my mind by old fears and anxieties. I have good days and then days where I am wondering if I am free at all! I have been constantly beating myself up for my past mistakes, holding on to past mindsets, looking back on how strong I used to be and wondering why I feel so weak NOW. 😫

I’m just like that lady in the movie.

FREE………BUT USED TO THE BONDAGE.


So now that we (me and the lady) have nothing to fight, there seems to be no reason to keep trusting God. No reason to be thankful each day. No reason to hold on for dear life!

Why are we humans like this???!!


Why are we so quick to turn our backs on God and sin against Him through Doubts and Fears???!!!!

Sigggghhhhhhhhhhh……………………..

I wish I had the answer to that question.
But I really don’t. I don’t know why we do it.

But I know what I am going to do now that I see the wrong of my ways.

I am going to PUT IN THE WORK.
The Lord gave me the idea to turn my 2nd spare bedroom into a Prayer Room. And I am in here right now STUDYING THE WORD. Learning more about God – who He is, His amazing power, His matchless works and what Jesus did for me.

Because its apparent that my foundation is lacking.

And so I’m going back to basics. Genesis chapter 1 – Creation. And I will work my way up from there.

Don’t let pride stop you from starting over. None of us knows everything!

We all have to ensure that we have a strong foundation.

What do you plan to do to ensure that your foundation in Christ is unshakeable?

Matthew 7:24‭-‬25 ESV
Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.Β 


Walking in Purpose

Have you ever looked at a clock? Like really paid attention to it?

Have you ever realized how quickly the second hand moves around representing each second that has passed?

Did it give you anxiety, when you realized that you were sitting doing nothing while TIME passed?!!

No????

Well it’s just me then………..πŸ˜“ sigh

TIME

At my church there is a term we hear often:

We are in a time where we have no time.

Which means more or less:

Don’t waste time!

Jesus is coming SOON! Sooner than we think.

Are you ready?

Continue reading “Walking in Purpose”

Forgiveness

The story of Joseph is profound and powerful.

He was sold as a slave by his own brothers, taken to Egypt, and was even thrown into prison for doing the right thing!!!!

But 2 things stand out to me in his story:

  1. He never blamed God
  2. He forgave his brothers!

How can anyone possibly love God AND their family after going through so much rejection and disappointment????!!!!!

I am struggling with this one you guys.

This is one of my faults and I have to admit it:

I hate to be taken advantage of.

Maybe it is because I am quiet and growing up it was seen as a sign of weakness.

Maybe it is because I let other people’s opinions become my own instead of speaking up and voicing my opinion.

Maybe it’s because I put myself down so many times that I don’t even know how to accept encouragement.

Maybe……. it’s time for this to change.

And perhaps God is using Joseph’s story to change my heart.

In reading the story, we see that despite everything Joseph suffered, God was with Joseph always.

  • After being sold to Potiphar, God granted him favour and he was placed head of Potiphar’s house.

Even though he had been a SLAVE!!!

  • Then while in prison, God gave him favour with the prison guard and Joseph was placed as the head of the prison!!!! 😳

Whoa!! Everything that was done in the prison, he was running it.

Joseph was a prisoner yet he was in charge of the other prisoners!

🀯🀯🀯🀯🀯🀯🀯🀯🀯🀯🀯🀯🀯🀯

  • And then again after he was able (through God) to interpret the Pharaoah’s dream, he was placed as Second in Command over ALL of Egypt!!

It shows me that even in the lowest place, God can grant us favour and blessings.

Incredible.

God is just soooo incredible!!!!

The power of Forgiveness…

Joseph did not let his situation, affect his faith in God. He trusted God despite being in a truly terrible position multiple times in his life.

Faithfulness to God. Inspite of the storm. Inspite of the pain.

And I can only imagine that after seeing God work things out for him sooooo many times, Joseph realised that:

Everything had a purpose

His slavery, his rejection, his pain, his moments of doubt of ever leaving that prison……..

But you see, his time in prison worked Patience, Faith and even helped him practice his Gift of Dream Interpretations!!!!!!

What if we tap into that and harness it into a new mindset and Perspective to live by?

Faithfulness to God. Inspite of the storm.

Inspite of the pain.

I think……

I am gonna try.

A little harder this time……

Baptism

On Saturday 13th July, I made the greatest step of my life………..

Into Water Baptism.

This is me before I left home. I intentionally wore my ‘Faith over Feelings’ hoodie as a reminder to myself to walk by Faith and not by sight!

That morning I woke up at 5 a.m. to get ready and the weight of it all hit me and I started to cry!!!! 😭

I saw this next step as the complete end of the old experiences – the torment, the fears, the anxiety – and the beginning of my new walk with God into whatever He wanted for me.

HALLELUJAH!!

He did it!!! He carried me through the storm and now I was finally at the end of that part of the journey.

It was finally OVER! 😭😭😭😭

When I got to church, the excitement was so great that we couldn’t help but take selfies πŸ˜„. And then we got up and began to sing songs of victory while we marched around the chairs!!!! πŸ˜πŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒ

It was such a beautiful morning!

The rains came down while we were at the site and yet it couldn’t hamper our mood or determination to complete this assignment.

We were going to get Baptized!

Gorgeous isn’t it!!!! ❀

I still couldn’t keep back the tears when we were there. I was just so grateful to God for bringing me this far!

It really had not been an easy journey but I know without a doubt that it was ALL WORTH IT.

🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊

Being baptized was the greatest feeling I have ever had.

I am now truly part of the Bride of Christ. I am part of the church that He will be returning for. The one without spot or blemish.

I am Redeemed.

I am Forgiven.

I am Loved.

I am made NEW!!!! A new creation in His sight.

NEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

It’s so AMAZING!!!!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV

Now on to the next Chapter of my life………..

New Beginnings.